It is no news to me that without regular sessions of meditation, the peace that normally is the order of my day, begins to dissolve. I can feel this happening in this moment, as I have not chosen to meditate regularly during these last weeks. Meditation is a huge part of my spiritual practice and without it – the peace of God begins to slip away and the ego begins to creep back into my life.
I need my daily practice
For a few weeks now, there has been little room for me to meditate. My schedule has been relentless along with our children being home from school because they have been sick.
In other words as I work from home, the space for mediation that I usually have in my schedule, has been missing. And so I have not been able to sit in stillness.
The ego is re-emerging
Without this spiritual practice of meditation, the ego is on the move back into my life. The peace, the peace of God that usually is the order of my day is beginning to dissolve. I am becoming more and more irritable, more and more reactive to circumstances and situations, to what others do or don’t do.
I am becoming more and more preoccupied and attached to the opinions, judgments, points of views of the ego. Stillness is dissolving. I can feel it slipping away. In each and every moment.
I am aware of myself dwelling more and more upon that which I don’t want. Rather than what I do want. I can feel myself slowly returning to who I used to be. To how I used to be.
And it’s only been a few weeks without meditation, other than short moments of conscious breathing.
Meditation is coming back to the nowness of this moment
I know that meditation is not only about formally sitting cross legged on a cushion. I know that it is just as important to remain anchored in the nowness of this moment, even in between sessions. Meditation in and of itself is coming back to the nowness of this moment.
Or as Michael Bernard Beckwith defines it: paying indestractable attention to that which is real.
It is about being here and now. It is about seeing that which is True and Real, beyond the surface appearance of things.
But what happens for me is that whenever I go too long without formally meditating, my mind sort of forgets all about the anchoring in the Holy Now, in between.
Unless I take time to withdraw from the world, sitting in stillness, the onrush of thoughts, overwhelms me. To the point where I forget to remember to be still. To the point where I get so caught up in the reactions and projections of the ego where I can’t distance myself from them.
I need to remember to remember
In other words, what happens is that I forget to remember. I forget to remember what is important, what is True and what is Real. As oppose to what relatively is not important at all. To that which is not True and Real.
Nothing that is coming from the ego is important. Nothing that the ego gives birth to is True and Real. It is all an illusion of lack and scarcity. The egoic mantra is: “I am not enough and there is not enough”
And so where there is attachment to the ego, the peace of God is not. And so I need to remember to remember – that spiritual practice; meditation, affirmative prayer, sacred study, sacred service and so forth needs to be my number one priority.
I need to remember to remember to come back to the nowness of this moment. To take a few conscious breaths on a constant and regular basis. I need to remember to use the moments in between as opportunities for mini meditations – when I am standing in line, when I am in the bathroom, when I have tended to the needs of our kids and so forth.
All is working for my good
But above all, I need to remember to honor my spiritual practice, to honor my conscious awakening. I need to remember to make my spiritual practices my number one priority. Even when my surface mind keeps nagging at me that there is not enough time.
I know that everything is working for my good. Every experience I have is a gift and a blessing of transformation seeking to pull me into ever higher levels of choice and consciousness. This I know.
I have been in this situation before and as I have learned to ask affirmative questions whenever I find myself in challenging experiences I have previously always received the same answer – I find myself in these situations because I need to strengthen my practice and my presence muscles.
In other words – this is why this experience keeps repeating itself in my life. That I may learn to choose to set aside time to meditate even when I perceive my schedule to be relentless. My lesson here is to make the peace of God my number one priority, not doing, not accomplishing, not manifesting – but simply being.
I know my lesson here
And so I realize as I am writing this, that even though I have not this time asked those questions, I have been tuned into my still small voice enough to have been aware of that this is what it is all about. Once again.
The good of God is everywhere. God is forever for me, never against me and so the gifts and blessings of God is right here. Right now.
And so my lesson here, what I am called upon to do is to make spiritual practice my number one priority. I need to learn to remember to remember what truly is important. And what truly is important is that I allow for the peace of God to run my life, to be the order of my life.
This is my lesson here. This has been my lesson for quite some time. Obviously I have not learned it yet and so I am grateful for being given another opportunity to learn it.
Being alive and awake truly is a blessing in and of itself
I am so grateful for who I am and for where I am. I am so grateful for all that I have been guided to learn as well as for the lesson I am continuously being given.
Thank you God for bringing sanity back into my life. For giving me the tools such as meditations – that allows me to see the world through your eyes rather than the eyes of the ego.
Thank you for the peace that increasingly flows through me which allows me to be a channel and a conduit for your Love & Light to flow through me allowing me to stand in your service for the benefit of humanity.
It truly is a blessing to be alive. Truly a blessing to be awake. Life is a wonderful and magical adventure of discovering. Of venturing into the unknown (yet fully known only forgotten).
In this moment, I make a vow to myself to remember that I need to practice the spiritual practice of meditation. Every day. Even when there appears to be no time. Even more when there appears to be no time.
I know there will be times when this may seem to hard a vow for me to honor. But I know, that in those moments, I may turn to God and ask for help. As we ask, so shall we be given.
For this I give thanks. This I let be. And so be it.