I am not here to be happy all the time

For a few days now I have been in an awful mood. I have not been feeling good at all. I have been edgy, irritable and sort of restless. And I thank God for it.

Had this been a few years back, I would have immediately begun to ask myself what is wrong and what I can do to fix it. But having now experienced this many times I know that when I am not feeling good, actually something good is happening. And so, I am grateful to have had been guided to the insight that the spiritual path is not about feeling good all the time. For this realization I give thanks.

Something has shifted since the last time

Even since the last time around, something has changed. It’s been a long time since I was in such a foul mood. I can’t even remember when.

Even since the last time around, something has changed. It’s been a long time since I was in such a foul mood. I can’t even remember when.

I feel no joy. Nor do I feel gratitude. My mind is constantly jumping back and forth through time. The Holy Now seems very distant. I feel completely disconnected from God. Actually, I feel disconnected from everything. It’s like I am a lone island with nothing around me.

This I remember. I have experienced this before. But, yet something has shifted within me. I can no longer feel the pulling of the ego seeking me to take action on the not feeling good. Or rather keeping me from taking action on that which I know to be true and real while being in a crappy mood.

Previously I have sort of the creative aspects of my life on hold while experiencing what I am now experiencing. I have then not been able to keep moving toward my vision, but I sort of have had to take a time out. This time, it’s different. In a sort of weird way.

I am moving, but it’s not me moving me

This time it’s like my vision and intention is carrying me through this. I feel no inspiration, yet I am inspired to take action. I feel no joy, yet I experience joy when taking action. It is like I am now being pulled, carried and lifted in a way I have not quite experienced before.

Before it have been all I can do, not to bury myself underneath my cover or binge watch some of my favorite shows (Friends, 2/12 men or Modern Family). This time however, I have not had the slightest urge to withdraw from my creative endeavors. And I also notice that I have been very successful in taking the action that I have been taking. Or to put it in another way, the results that I have experienced seems not to have been affected by my bad mood.

It’s like my vibration remains high even when I’m in not feeling good

In a weird way it seems as though my core vibration, my predominant vibration is not affected by the surface vibration. This is new for me.


Before, the outcome and the results have always stood in direct correlation with how I feel. And so as I have been feeling down or as darkness has descended upon me the signs have been clearly and instantly visible in the external world.

And so, yet while being in a state of turbulence I am grateful. Grateful that I have been given the eyes to see that which cannot be seen with the eyes. I am grateful that I have been guided and directed to where I am. Gratitude fills me about where I am going.

This truly is a magical adventure, being alive, growing and unfolding. And the best part of it is, I don’t have to make any of it happen. I can just sit back and enjoy the ride while God takes me places I would never have dreamed of going.