Please enjoy this blog article about confusion by Daniel Roquéo.
Confusion has taken hold on me
This is my first post here on the Love & Light Store blog. I am humbled and grateful for having been given an opportunity to give something back. Back to a community that has come to mean so much for me over the last year or so. However, as I am writing this I find myself in a state of confusion, spiritual confusion.
Over the last week or so it has been like a veil has been placed before me. Where I used to be able to see clearly I know hardly see at all. The Light that I used to know seems distant and vague. The path before me that I used to be able to discern so easily, seems to have vanished. Confusion has all but consumed me it feels.
My connection with God feels severed
On some level I feel as though I am running on autopilot. I feel as though I am sleepwalking only I know that I am sleepwalking. Yet, for all I know that I am sleepwalking, I cannot help to stumble and trip. Confusion reigns supreme.
Where there before was a strong sense of connection with God, there is now… nothing. It seems as though, no matter how still I become there is only a big, fat nothing there.
It’s like I am a ship drifting rudderless at sea. I have no sense of direction, and really no speed to get anywhere. And as there is no wind to give me speed I feel as though I am just sitting here, going no where, but not too thrilled about being where I am either.
Where I used to be able to see and feel God’s presence and beauty, there is nothing but a void of nothingness. And this void is covered with a cold and hard surface.
It is not dark, yet I cannot see
In this place where I am sitting/sleepwalking – I have no sense of direction. It is like I cannot fathom or muster enough strength to see beyond where I am at. In a sense it is as though it is not necessarily dark but yet I cannot see an inch beyond the tip of my nose. Now, I am not talking about being able to see with my physical eyes, but with my spiritual eyes.
I used to have a clear vision of where I was and where I was headed. Now, I cannot see anything. This is very confusing as I know that the vision that I have been guided to create for my life – has not gone anywhere. It has not vanished. I just can’t see it, even though I know that it is still there. As real as it has ever been.
My life has become dark and dank, where before there were so much light. Confusion is governing my life at the moment.
Thank you God for this blessing that is occurring right before me eyes
Now, this is not the first time I find myself in this place or state. I have been here many times before. And so, although it all seems so real, I know that it is good in progress.
I know that this, what I am going through, truly is a spiritual blessing. That this sense of confusion that I am experiencing, is really a process of cleansing, where something small and narrow is being dissolved and something greater is beginning to emerge.
And so for all this confusion, I am grateful for it.
The darker the darkness, the brighter it will be
From both personal experience and from studying, I know that the darker this experience is, the brighter it will become once I emerge on the other side. And so, I will just keep on going. Even though I currently have no idea where I am going, I can still recollect where I used to know to be going. And so I just keep on going in that direction.
The Light hasn’t gone anywhere. God hasn’t Gone anywhere. ALL of God is till present everywhere, I am just temporarily blinded to the point where I cannot see God right now.
These periods of darkness, are truly a blessing. I know that in my heart and soul. I know it, because I have been through enough of them to know it. Even though I cannot see the blessing and even though it doesn’t feel like a blessing. I know that I am in receiving mode right now.
Something good is happening and it is happening now, in this moment, and this moment and this moment.
It is about to get brighter than it has ever been
Whenever I find myself in these periods of confusion and darkness, I am always reminded by the words of Dr Howard Thurman where he said: We learn to walk by remembered radiance.
I know that if I only I keep moving in the direction I was moving in, before the confusion descended upon me – I will emerge on the other side. And as I do, the Divine Light will shine brighter and clearer than I have ever seen it before.
So I will keep meditating, I will keep praying and I will keep doing all the things I did before the darkness and the confusion took over my life. And I will so so, fully knowing that this state is only temporary. It is not something bad happening, there is nothing wrong, but in fact there is something good and right about this phase and stage that I am in.
I know that once the cleansing is over, my sense of separation from the Divine will dissolve and I will be standing in closer conscious communion with God than I ever have before.
Confusion truly is a spiritual blessing
For all the darkness I experience, as I become still enough an immense sense of gratitude and thanksgiving washes over me. I am so truly grateful for who I am, for where I am and for where I am going (even though I, in this moment, have no ideas as to the latter).
I am so grateful for once again being on the spiritual trampoline that will shoot me to higher levels of consciousness than I have ever been before. Gratitude fills my being for knowing that this, although not a pleasant experience, is not something bad that is happening to me, but that I am being prepared for something better and greater than I ever imagined. What this good is, is not yet clear to me, but I know that it is so.
For this knowing, I am grateful beyond what words may describe.
Thank You God
Thank you God. For guiding me, for leading me. Thank you for being there for me. For preparing me and cleansing me. I give thanks for all the good that you insist on shoving my way, even when the good is disguised as something I, at first may not be able to recognize as good.
Even in the midst of this experience of confusion and darkness that I am going through, I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything in the world. Because it is good and very good. I know it and I feel it in my heart and soul.
I have chosen this life and I would choose it a billion times over, even if I knew before hand what it would entail.
My life is such a blessing and I ow it all to you God. Thank you.
Blessings of Love & Light ?
Daniel Roquéo ??